Heather Graham is getting candid about never becoming a mom.
The 55-year-old actress, whose past relationships include the late Heath Ledger and James Woods, opened up about her thoughts on motherhood in a new interview with The Guardian published Monday, April 28.
“I think I’ve had moments where I wondered: what would it have been like if I had a kid? I guess I would say 80% of the time I feel glad I don’t have kids, and I feel free and really good about it, and maybe 20% of the time I wonder what would it be like,” the Boogie Nights star said. “You just have to appreciate the life you have.”
Graham added, “I do think it’s awesome now that more women are expressing their desire to not have kids. … The culture says: ‘You need to have kids.’ But why? If you’re not being a people pleaser, what do you really want?”
The Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me actress has long been conscious of not people-pleasing. She hasn’t spoken to her family in about 30 years, she said.
“I think I felt, as a younger person, that I couldn’t really set boundaries with them that they would respect, so I wanted to explore that in the movie,” she said, referring to her latest film Chosen Family, which she also directed.
At around 17, Graham said she was offered a role in the hit 1988 black comedy Heathers, but her parents didn’t let her take the part.
“My parents vetoed it,” she said, revealing that she moved out of the family home shortly after. “I kind of became my own person and discovered: ‘What do I like? What do I want when I’m not under this very judgmental, authoritarian, parental, patriarchal structure? What do I want to do? What do I think of this?’”
Graham said she ended contact with her parents and her sister — actress Aimee Graham — in her mid-20s.
“My father’s really religious, and they were, especially my father, very critical of everything I was doing,” the actress explained. “It didn’t feel like a healthy dynamic. I stopped talking to them and, I have to say, that was a huge relief. I felt like, at that moment, my life opened up with a freedom. I didn’t need to please them.”
Over the years, Graham’s family has tried to reach out to her, but she has yet to reconcile with them.
“There was an effort made, but it was always very judgmental, like: ‘Let me give you the number of the priest and you can go to confession,’” Graham said. “I just think we’re really different. They have a lot of great qualities – it’s just not a healthy dynamic for me.”
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