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DEAR ABBY: I have a chronic illness and have been on a long-term leave of absence from my job for two years now. I have always surrounded myself with good people and have been blessed with great friends and family. When I was diagnosed, everyone was supportive. There were many platitudes, not the least of which was the ole standby, “Let me know if you need anything.” I have never asked anyone for anything, soldiering on and refusing to be a burden.
My mom recently passed, and I’m struggling. Now, for the first time, I need actual face time. I’m extremely lonely, and all I would like is an occasional lunch or a quick diet soda with a friend. But, Abby, no one calls or responds to any of my messages. I didn’t know there was a time limit on “let me know if you need anything.” I know others out there understand what I’m going through, and I wonder if you have any words of encouragement. — NOT ALWAYS SUNNY IN UTAH
DEAR NOT ALWAYS SUNNY: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your mother. It’s shameful that your old friends and co-workers have conveniently forgotten that they offered to help you after your diagnosis. However, because they apparently have, you will have to do something about your feelings of isolation and loneliness on your own.
My first thought is to reach out to a support group (in person or online) for the illness you have. The second would be to contact your religious adviser if you have one. Another (depending on your mobility) would be to volunteer some of your free time to a cause you believe in or become a foster for shelter animals.
Finally, rather than waiting for your phone to ring, consider going out and having an occasional lunch or soft drink so you are exposed to other people rather than sitting alone at home and becoming increasingly depressed.
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DEAR ABBY: My son and daughter-in-law think it’s OK to have cameras on me and my husband when we watch their children. It has been going on for six years, and I’m uncomfortable babysitting them while being recorded.
I know my son and his wife watch the footage, because comments have been made about what we have discussed while babysitting. I’m tired of sucking it up and allowing this. This would mean that I probably wouldn’t get to see my grandchildren anymore. What should I do? — HATE BEING FILMED IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR HATE BEING FILMED: Are the cameras running all the time, or just when you are babysitting? If they are on all the time, then you are not being singled out. Because you find the idea of your son and daughter-in-law listening in on what you thought were private conversations, perhaps you should start doing the babysitting at your home instead of theirs. However, if that isn’t viable, you may either have to bite the bullet and accept the status quo or remove babysitting from the equation.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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