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DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Roy,” is a quiet person. His ex-girlfriend put him and his family through something so terrible that he shuts down and pulls away from me a lot. He won’t introduce me to his mother, although I have met his son. We’ve been together almost 18 months.
Five months ago, Roy stopped making love with me. I accused him of cheating, but he denied it. He’s just 44 and claims he has lost interest in sex and he doesn’t know why. He claims he’s still in love with me, but at times, I feel unloved by him. He has never treated me badly, but he barely kisses me now and he used to be affectionate. He says he was affectionate before his ex nearly destroyed him and his family’s lives.
Roy loves it when I call myself his wife and him my husband, but he acts like he is scared of love. What do you think? — LOVES MY TEDDY BEAR MAN
DEAR LOVES: I think your boyfriend (not husband) is sorely in need of counseling to resolve his trauma. Your relationship will not progress unless he finds the courage to discuss what happened with his ex with someone who can guide him on a path forward.
DEAR ABBY: I married a man who was divorced after 10 years of marriage. He and his ex-wife had four children together. After their divorce, they received joint custody of the children. He moved to another state, and the children remained with their mother.
We have been married for 38 years. When my husband’s mother died, his ex-wife attended the funeral. All of the children, spouses and grandchildren sat with her and not their father at the viewing and funeral service. It was heartbreaking.
How can I or my family ask her to NOT attend my husband’s funeral when he passes away? — HIS LONGTIME WIFE
DEAR WIFE: Funerals are for the comfort of the living, not the dead. If your husband predeceases you, the person who will be in charge of the arrangements for his funeral, memorial, cremation or burial will be you. If you prefer that his former wife not make an appearance, speak up at the appropriate time. If she shows up anyway, you can instruct security not to admit her.
TO MY READERS: Happy St. Patrick’s Day:
May there always be work for your hands to do.
May your purse always hold a coin or two.
May the sun always shine on your windowpane.
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you.
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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