In today’s digital dating world, single people’s biggest romantic dilemma might not be who to date — but how often to text them.
From Reddit threads to relationship coaches, the consensus is clear: nobody knows what the rules are anymore.
Turns out, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution when it comes to texting etiquette.
But experts — and a handful of battle-worn daters — are shedding light on how to navigate the messaging minefield.
In the so-called “talking stage” of dating — that fuzzy limbo between matching and meeting — things are delicate, according to psychology professor Dr. Darcey N. Powell.
“There is less information shared, fewer physical acts of intimacy, and less commitment to the partner than when dating,” Powell explained in an interview with Mashable.
It’s a tricky balancing act: “Trying to protect oneself because you’re unsure of what’s going to happen, but people aren’t good at breaking up with each other or being rejected.”
A Harvard study found that 94% of millennials admitted to having texting-related anxiety.
“Hypercommunication [constant exchanges] can negatively impact relationships by fostering an over-reliance on asynchronous messaging as a measure of relationship success,” warned sociologist Caitlin Begg as per Mashable, “rather than meaningful in-person connection.”
Texting might build anticipation — but it also builds illusions.
“We learn slivers of information about a person and our brain does the rest,” dater Georgie, 24, told the site. “It’s a romanticized picture of a person that does not exist.”
Case in point: “I once was super excited for a first date because we had been texting for a few weeks leading up to the date, and I thought he was hilarious,” she said. “The date lasted all of 26 minutes.”
Oof.
Psychologist Dr. Nikki Coleman says there’s no substitute for real-life connection. “You have to get to know someone in 3D — the wild, outside — to be able to build intimacy. Until you really know someone in that way, you’re really building a relationship with a fantasy in your mind.”
So, what are the rules? There are none.
“People love to give ‘hard and fast’ dating rules,” Begg said to the publication. “But the reality is it’s messy. This means it’s key to find someone who aligns with your communication style.”
And if they don’t? Move on.
“I would recommend that folks be honest and direct about the amount of communication they need, and to walk away from connections that can’t meet those needs,” sex and relationships educator Melissa Fabello also revealed to Mashable.
Ultimately, digital courtship in 2025 is all about finding your rhythm — and recognizing that even the perfect text thread doesn’t guarantee IRL sparks.
Because the difference between “he’s the one” and “he’s a dud” might just be 43 unread texts and a date that lasts less than half an hour.
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