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It’s been two weeks of care and recovery for Anna Murphy as she deals with the fact that she is still here.
“I have been navigating what it is to have survived,” says Murphy. “What it is to now have to live a life I was at peace ending.”
Murphy has dedicated her life to making the world more inclusive. Growing up in rural Alberta, and affirming her identity as a trans woman, sent her on a path that eventually led her back to Calgary, where she says she never went in search of the spotlight, but rather stood up for what she believes is right.
That work made her a hero to many, but also the target for online trolls.
“It doesn’t matter how strong or resilient you are,” says Murphy. “When you wake up every day to an unrelenting message that your existence is wrong, your existence is a problem, that has an impact.”
Murphy has struggled with mental health challenges for much of her life and in January made peace with leaving this world. She’s choosing to speak out about her experience in hopes it will take the power away from depression, a condition that thrives in isolation.
“My hope is that someone else who may be in the same position that I am and was, they will realize the strongest thing they can do is say the words, ‘I need help.’ One of the strongest things they will do today is stay.”
With a rise in online hate towards the LGBTQ2 community and three Alberta laws that target transgender youth, advocates have been warning mental health crises are on the rise. With Murphy having recently been through the health-care system, she says now is the time for more targeted support.
“Many in our communities are in crisis, our health-care system is in crisis, and if we don’t do something, it’s only going to get worse.”
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Psychologists are seeing an increase in trans youth visiting their offices, speaking about the mental health challenges that come with currently living in Alberta.
“Saying that one particular pocket doesn’t fit the human experience is obviously not going to have much positive to contribute to anybody,” says Joel Roos, clinical director at Cultivate Psychology.
“It’s not just mentally draining for them, but damaging for them, making them question their value and worth.”
Roos says adolescence is a time when people are meant to be discovering who they are, taking risks and forming new friendships. Those experiences help the brain develop, and who they are and what gender and sexual orientation they may have is a big part of that development journey.
“I don’t recall hearing a lot of stories in my career of people coming in and saying that being told ‘I don’t fit,’ or, ‘What I think is wrong,’ has somehow benefited them or built them into the people they want to be,” says Roos.
Skipping Stone Foundation, alongside Egale Canada, is once again trying to get the courts to overturn the laws, presenting a new legal argument in court on Monday. Skipping Stone’s co-executive director, Amelia Newbert, says the organization is already seeing the impacts of the legislation.
“We’re seeing folks more and more hesitant to come out, more anxious to be accepted in the community and around them,” Newbert says.
And it’s not just youth feeling the pressure.
“The impact of this legislation is to stop trans kids from becoming trans adults,” explains Newbert. “It sends a message to trans adults that you’re not desirable in this province… we don’t want more people to come out and be themselves, we want less.”
Newbert says a rise in online hate is also contributing to the sense of not belonging. She says it used to only be those in the public eye who were victims to online bullying, but now that trend has reached others in a space where they used to be able to be themselves.
“Now people who are just trying to live their lives are being the target of really malicious and intentional attacks, and I think that fundamentally changes the dynamic,” says Newbert.
“That space where I was safe is no longer safe, and it doesn’t matter if I’m engaging with people, just my presence here is objectionable.”
Over at Mount Royal University, Leah Hamilton and Corinne Mason are studying the impacts of the legislation on parents and caregivers for trans youth. They have spoken to families across the province and say they are hearing the mental health impacts of the legislation were felt almost immediately.
“They’re feeling very immediate impacts on mental health and on sense of identity,” says Hamilton. “For those parents who have kids who play sports, their sports are everything to their kids.
“So, to have that taken away, it’s absolutely devastating.”
Hamilton says the lack of symbols of support in schools, health care facilities and other institutions is helping to create an environment where the families’ day-to-day realities are worsening as youth say they are being dead-named, wrong pronouns are being used, and people’s bodies are scrutinized.
“They no longer know who is safe, and who is not,” explains Hamilton. “We’re seeing a lot of fear. Some families are talking about leaving the province.”
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