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Lindsay Clancy wrote in her journal two months before killing her three young kids that she was “so desperate to get a mental break from taking care of everyone,” jurors learned at her murder trial Monday.
The 35-year-old Boston-area mom documented having “horrible insomnia and anxiety” and being wracked with guilt over her choice to stop breastfeeding her 8-month-old son and sleep train him in journal entries before the murder.
On Nov. 18, 2023, two months before she strangled her kids with elastic workout bands, she wrote: “It’s like I’m so desperate to get a mental break from taking care of everyone that my mind is trying to make something physically wrong with me.”
“I want help. I want to be well,” Clancy also wrote in the journal, which had entries beginning Oct. 13, 2022 and ending Jan. 18, 2023.
The excerpts were read to the jury during the testimony of Massachusetts State Trooper Cory Melo who was the final witness Monday afternoon following whirlwind testimony from 12 doctors, cops and nurses who took the stand earlier in the day.
Melo collected the diary and other journals and evidence from Clancy’s Duxbury, Mass. home.
Clancy, a former labor and delivery nurse, killed her children Cora, 5, Dawson, 3, and 8-month-old Callan on Jan. 24, 2023, before she tried to kill herself.
Clancy is arguing that she was suffering postpartum psychosis and that she did everything possible to get help before she killed her kids — but she misdiagnosed and overmedicated.
Her lawyers want her acquitted of murder.
Earlier in the day, the jurors heard from psychiatrists who saw Clancy during her month-long stay at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston recovering from her suicide attempt, which paralyzed her.
The psychiatrists testified she was cooperative, and didn’t appear to be suffering from suicidal or homicidal thoughts.
Forensic psychiatrist Jhilam Biswas saw Clancy once on Jan. 26, 2023 when she was sedated and intubated with a breathing tube just before Clancy was scheduled to have back surgery.
When Biswas asked about Clancy’s mood she wrote back: “Horrified.”
“Is my body broken? Are my legs straight?” Clancy also wrote to Biswas.
Prosecutor Jennifer Sprague asked Biswas about the fact that Clancy had asked if she had an attorney and the fact that Biswas didn’t note seeing any signs of psychosis in Clancy.
Prosecutors are trying to prove she was cold and calculating just days after carrying out the murders, rather than suffering from a mental break.
Clancy’s lawyer, Kevin Reddington, asked Biswas to confirm that she only saw Clancy one time and it was only for 20 to 30 minutes to assess if she was a risk of suicide before she went into surgery.
Reddington also asked Biswas if it was possible for Clancy to have appeared normal while suffering from psychosis.
“For some people, they can have moments of clarity, absolutely. And for some, it can be more continuous. It really depends on the patient and their illness,” Biswas said.
Another psychiatrist, Sejal Shah, who saw Clancy several times over the course of a month, said she didn’t report suicidal or homicidal thoughts and said she was cooperative and looking forward to being transferred to a rehab facility.
Reddington also pressed Shah about the fact that someone can seem normal and still be experiencing postpartum psychosis.
“People can communicate and plan and act on plans even if they are in the middle of a psychosis, right?” Reddington asked.
“Yes,” Shah responded.
“You don’t have to be drooling and stumbling and unable to walk and talk to be in a psychosis?” the defense attorney asked.
“No,” the psychiatrist affirmed.
Shah also testified that Clancy asked for her health proxy to be changed from her husband, Patrick Clancy, to her parents, which she was allowed to do a day after she was out of a post-sedation delirium.
Clancy requested to sign a DNR, or a “do no resuscitate” form, which she was not allowed to do at the time since she had just tried to kill herself, Shah explained.
The first two witnesses of the day were doctors who told the jury about their desperate attempts to save baby Callan. The second doctor, David Casavant, testified about the decision to take the infant off life support three days after Clancy strangled him.
Callan had regained a heartbeat but he wasn’t breathing on his own and he was brain dead, Casavant — an ICU doctor at Boston Children’s Hospital — testified.
But after extensive brain tests, that were repeated a second time 24 hours later, Casavant and neurologists consulted with Patrick and everyone agreed to take the infant off of a ventilator on Jan. 27.
Clancy could be seen dabbing her eyes with a tissue after Casavant finished testifying.
Clancy sent Patrick out to run two errands and killed her kids before cutting her wrists and neck and throwing herself out of the second-story window of her bedroom.
She shattered her spine, becoming paraplegic and has been appearing in court in a wheelchair.
The first week of trial last week saw Clancy sob in court during gutting evidence, including an anguished 911 call that Patrick made when he found his dead children and when prosecutors showed the jury the pajamas that the children were wearing at the time. The jury was also shown the elastic bands used to kill the kids.
Clancy also wept when doctors last week testified about their failed attempts to revive Cora and Dawson at the hospital.
And one veteran cop cried on the stand when he recounted discovering Dawson and the other kids lifeless in the basement of the Clancy home.
If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or are experiencing a mental health crisis and live in New York City, you can call 1-888-NYC-WELL for free and confidential crisis counseling. If you live outside the five boroughs, you can dial the 24/7 National Suicide Prevention hotline at 988 or go to SuicidePreventionLifeline.org.
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