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He lives near Montclair, but to New York ladies — it might as well be another time zone.
Frustrated with his local dating scene, one New Jerseyan took to Reddit to discuss his dating difficulties.
He explained that a majority of his matches on dating apps come from women based in the boroughs of NYC, and he suspects that often, women reject him because of his location.
“Once they find out I’m in Jersey, a lot of them just lose interest,” he bemoaned. “Some even say it straight up: ‘Oh, you’re in Jersey?’ Like I live in a different country or something.”
The Redditor said he’s based in North Caldwell, N.J., and has a car, so he’s willing to drive the 20 or so miles or meet potential paramours halfway — if they’re willing.
The trouble is, they’re usually not.
Jessica, a 24-year-old living in Crown Heights, told The Post that she routinely swipes left on New Jerseyans she encounters on the apps. “It’s just too far,” she says.
And she’s not alone. Hundreds of women chimed in under the Reddit post, looking to give the daydreaming dater a much-needed reality check about the actuality of the NYC dating scene.
“People barely want to travel neighborhoods for a relationship, let alone to another state,” one commenter said.
“No one wants a ‘long-distance’ relationship, especially when there are so many eligible people a subway ride or walk away,” agreed another.
“When I first moved to New York, I lived in Washington Heights,” shared another still-traumatized single.
“I made the mistake of going on one date in Bay Ridge. Never again. The subway trip back took me longer than the drive between Baltimore and Philadelphia. From that moment forward, I held a 5 subway stops limit for dates.”
“I’m not going to NJ. It’s not an ‘ew, Jersey’ thing, it’s a logistics thing,” one woman said.
Countless commenters also added that for many women, trekking out to New Jersey means taking public transportation, which can sometimes be dangerous or emotionally draining.
While some New Jerseyans like this romantically-ruined Redditor face what he called ‘geo-filtering,’ AKA women rejecting too-remote matches, others find a way to win out and meet their dates in the middle — but make no mistake, they’re still guarded about dating New Yorkers.
The Post has reached out to the original Redditor for comment.
Vinayak, a 24-year-old from Paramus who’s currently dating a New Yorker, told The Post that initially, he was cautious, simply because of the time, cost and effort associated with traveling to the city.
“Dating in New York worried me at first because there’s a huge time cost when it comes to dating in and around NYC, specifically from Jersey. I also feel like people in New York are more judgmental, and knowing that, I was a little more wary,” he said.
“The time commitment to dating in New York has definitely stopped me from seeing other people on Hinge before.”
The New Jerseyan added that when he was first dating his current girlfriend, who was living in Yonkers at the time, they often met in the middle in Manhattan at first, so they each faced the hour-ish commute — pick your poison, Metro North trains or Port Authority-bound buses?
“Crossing the Hudson just sucks. I always did it for the right person, but I understand if someone would prefer to look in their more immediate vicinity,” vouched a Jersey girl, who also lamented the pricy, unpredictable nature of trains, buses and George Washington Bridge traffic.
“Unfortunately I think Jersey has the same reputation as a green text coming from an Android phone. Nothing wrong with it, commute could sometimes be FASTER from parts of NJ than other parts of NYC, but it’s just got a shadow over it that can’t be shaken,” wrote one wise commenter.
“I don’t think the problem is always the mileage. It’s the mindset.” the lovelorn New Jerseyan said, simultaneously standing up for all of the snubbed Staten Island and Long Island men out there.
Read the full article here
