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Koh Phangan: It’s sundown on the blissful Thai island of Koh Phangan and the beach at Srithanu is swarming with impossibly bronzed 20-somethings with the physiques of gymnasts.

Women in bikinis are dipping in the glassy sea or lounging with a cocktail and smoke by the Flamingo Bar. The blokes are shirtless and clustered in loose circles playing keep-it-up with soccer balls. It’s a cracking scene.

Me, I’m bumbling over the soft sand with a sunburnt nose and…

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