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WARNING: This story contains some disturbing details. Discretion is advised.
An Abbotsford woman who was sexually abused as a child is speaking out after suffering years of abuse at the hands of her stepfather, starting at the age of just 12 years old.
Nicole Lauder, now 27, told Global News that most of those assaults were taking place in her own home.
“There’s not a single part that it didn’t touch and that it didn’t impact emotionally, mentally, probably was the biggest one,” Lauder said. ” I struggled a really long time. I had some really low points in my life, unable to attend school, unable to focus on anything other than trying to get through the day. I was very lost.”
On Jan. 20, her abuser, 60-year-old Leonard Debad, was sentenced to 18 months in prison, to be followed by three years’ probation after pleading guilty to the charge of sexual interference of a person under the age of 16.
The names of victims in sexual abuse crimes and details that can identify them are protected under a publication ban.
However, in a rare move, Lauder asked the court to lift the ban on her name.
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“It was only really protecting him, and you know I have nothing to hide,” she said.
Lauder said she felt empowered and relieved after the ban was lifted because she had lived in silence for so long and this helped lift the heaviness of what she had been through.
She also said that she lifted the publication ban on her name to help other survivors who have been victimized, including assisting them in their journeys of healing and through the justice system.
On Jan. 20, Lauder read a victim impact statement in court that detailed the extent of the abuse she endured, and left her with ” unbearable feelings of depression, anxiety, anger, confusion, shame, low self-esteem, and negative core beliefs about the world.”
Lauder was diagnosed with PTSD at 20 years old and also suffered physically: “It was so much to handle, and I truly wanted to die so all the pain would go away.”
When reading her statement in court, Lauder said she did not take her eyes off Debad, and she forgave him for his actions.
“A lot of people get confused about what forgiveness really means, so I’ll explain,” she said.
“It doesn’t mean that what you did was ok, that your actions disappear, or that they do not require consequence. It means that I am not carrying it anymore. The resentment, the hate, the anger, or the weight of what you did to me. It means I am no longer letting you and your mistakes control my life.”
Angela Marie MacDougall with the Battered Women’s Support Services in Vancouver says when a sexual abuse survivor takes a step like this, it’s not usual and needs to be recognized.
“It’s a rare occurrence when that happens,” she said.
“I think it’s important for us to recognize when survivors participate in the criminal legal system, they don’t often get to have a voice. ”
Although sentencing for Debad took place earlier this year, Lauder tells Global News he applied for parole a month after being sentenced, which means he could be out by July. She says accountability for the criminal is not strong:” They tend to get off quite easy,” she said.
“It almost feels like it’s a harder process for the victim than the criminal.”
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