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DEAR ABBY: I suspect my wife had an affair some years ago. She was spending time with this man in a local bar on weekends for quite a while. I recently confronted her with the rumors going around, and she says she did nothing wrong. When she began talking about him with me one day in her bedroom, she became very emotional and cried, telling me about how kind, gentle, etc., he was. Yet she insists he was barely an acquaintance.
Forgiveness is forthcoming if I can get to the truth. The man is now deceased. Any advice would be appreciated. — TO BELIEVE OR NOT TO BELIEVE
DEAR ‘BELIEVE’: The drinking buddy (now deceased) who was “kind, gentle, etc.” and probably an empathetic listener, who is still missed by your wife, is not a threat to your marriage. My advice to you is to quit rooting around in the past looking for a grievance and to concentrate on the present, because nothing good will come of what you are doing.
DEAR ABBY: My wife died after a yearlong illness. We had been married 51 years and six months to the day. I’m going through all of the emotions associated with losing a spouse. I know it will get easier in the coming months, so I’m not looking for advice.
My wife was the photographer in our family, and we have hundreds of photos — but very few of her, especially in the last few years. This message is for the kids, grandkids and great-grands: Take pictures of your parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents — everybody in the family. Don’t fall into the “I’ll do it next time” trap. Tomorrow might be too late. — GET THE PICTURE
DEAR GET THE PICTURE: I’m sorry for your loss, and for all the memories you wish had been preserved in photos. In the modern age, when most adults have smartphones with cameras, we need to remember to use them. Don’t let one family member bear this responsibility alone. You’ll want to cherish pictures of that person someday as well.
DEAR ABBY: I have been with my boyfriend for 10 years. In that time, he has never once shown outward affection toward me. If I get hurt he says, “Well, why did you do that?” He says he loves me. I just don’t feel loved at all. It has now been six months with no sex.
I recently met someone who asks me how my day was, did I eat, how I’m feeling and so on. It feels good to hear these things. My question is, if I’m being open and honest with this person, am I emotionally cheating? — MISSING SOMETHING IN MICHIGAN
DEAR MISSING: A man who shows no outward signs of affection for a decade, who shows no concern or sympathy if you are hurt and who has no physical relationship with you for half a year not only does not “love” you, but whether he even likes you is debatable. It is not cheating to respond to someone who gives you the things you are starved for. If this relationship goes farther than friendship, then it’s time to break up with your boyfriend.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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