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DEAR ABBY: I have a group of friends who get together once a month, usually for a casual dinner. Next month’s gathering will be to celebrate three birthdays, one of which is mine. While planning this gathering (via text), I asked if we could skip exchanging presents and just enjoy our time together. The response from my friends was “No! We’re doing presents.” I know their intention is good; these are very generous friends. But I’m working only part time and have to pay for my health insurance out of pocket. They said I don’t need to get them presents, but they will be getting me presents, so naturally I feel the pressure to reciprocate. While I’m not the most creative person, I could get away with making them something, but I’m also a bit put off. Shouldn’t my wishes have been respected since it’s my birthday? — BIRTHDAY GIRL IN MASSACHUSETTS
DEAR BIRTHDAY GIRL: Happy birthday! Your friends understand why you don’t want to exchange gifts, and they want to give you something anyway. They aren’t doing it to pressure you; they’re doing it out of love. If giving them a handcrafted item would help you feel better, that’s fine, but please don’t feel disrespected by their generosity.
DEAR ABBY: My husband of two years and I are opposites when it comes to planning. He’s spontaneous and acts on the spur of the moment. I’m the type who plans everything down to the last nanosecond (slight exaggeration).
Everything came to a head last Saturday when he suddenly decided to start a household project at 5 p.m. We were supposed to meet another couple for an evening out at 7. When he started the project, I reminded him of our date and asked him to let the other couple know that something had come up and we wouldn’t make it. I thought he had taken care of it until they texted me at 7:15 wanting to know where we were. I texted back, “Been delayed, on my way.” I dressed hurriedly, put on makeup in the car, broke all speed records and arrived there about 45 minutes late. I made excuses for him, knowing he has done this to them before. We were halfway through the meal when he showed up, wearing the same “work around the house” clothes from earlier. (I was surprised the hostess even seated him.) I was embarrassed, the other couple was understandably peeved, and I have had it with his inconsiderate behavior! Please advise. — NOT OK IN OKLAHOMA
DEAR NOT OK: If your husband doesn’t know what a faux pas he committed by leaving the other couple hanging, tell him. His behavior was thoughtless and rude. Because you know he is forgetful, you should have kept asking him if he had made the call, or you could have done it yourself. I think your biggest mistake was trying to cover for him by fibbing. In the future, make sure you arrive promptly. Let him do his own explaining, make his own apologies and experience the fallout.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned this column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
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