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As soon as we started to think about downsizing, it became crystal-clear to me that I was temperamentally unsuited to dealing with real estate agents.
I hate being told what to do. I resent being told my taste in wall colours is “too much”. And I have no patience for those whose stories change each and every day. Especially that.
Turns out we didn’t need one anyway. All we needed to sell our house was my sister-in-law, a charming and hugely sociable older woman (OK, not older than me). She has a big bunch of friends she’s had since her school days. While we were away on holiday, she threw a party at our house (no need for bouncers at their stage in life. The most exciting thing they do is go for a second Aperol Spritz). During the party, someone offered to buy our house.
Better than someone. Our buyer has a grandbaby on the way and that grandbaby will be part of an intergenerational household. I’m a big believer in giving up your empty bedrooms and our grandkids moved out in January and took their parents with them.
Saved. Saved from dealing with real estate agents. In a rapidly cooling housing market, the last thing you want is to deal with someone who feigns enthusiasm and fakes the kind of money you will get for your one big asset.
Look, yes, not all real estate agents. Before the Aperol Spritz spree, we’d eventually settled on a local bloke, Chris, who seemed pretty straightforward. He’d even offered to buy our house himself. He didn’t mind that our house was painted a riot of colours (want to be instantly happy when you walk through your house? Paint your hallway radiant sunshine). He did not want us to spend thousands of dollars repairing every single tiny thing. He did not suggest we get our house styled. What sapsucker wants to replace cosy red with white? When, in 1973, US marketing academic Philip Kotler described the “atmospherics” of a purchase, did he really imagine that every house for sale would look the same?
Most importantly, Chris did not come into our house, look at our glorious garden and tell us we had to rip out half the plants to make the backyard look more spacious. Seriously. We have a riot of begonias and bromeliads, a forest pansy, a red frangipani, a dragon tree strong enough for grandchildren and three citrus trees including a magnificent fruitful Meyer lemon. Also a fruitless finger lime.
The response has been varied. Neighbours asked: “Oh my god, can we do that too? Oh my god, are you sure you didn’t give it away for a song?” My answers? “I dunno, is your sister-in-law wildly sociable?” And “I dunno – but I rang Chris for advice and his answer was clear: ‘If you were my client, I’d advise you to take it’.” I also was obsessive about knowing what sold for how much and when. Our buyer had done the same so what she offered was 100 per cent fair – and we saved a bunch on fees, styling and emotional labour.
We exchanged contracts. A few days later, we bought our new place. One morning, I just sat on the couch, breathing, waiting for something to go wrong.
While all this swirled around me, I discovered a few new things you should know too. A strata report is not the same as a building inspection. Strata looks after common areas. Building inspections look after your own space. I had a day to get a building inspector in and out before we handed over money to secure the new place, all the while the vendor’s agent telling us someone else was hot on our heels. Was someone hot on our heels? Doubt that so much.
I’ve seen new data from Cotality which tells us the housing market is cooling in Sydney and Melbourne. I could tell that anyway. In 2019, I was helping a first home buyer and queues at open homes were out the open doors. Not this time. Of the dozen places we saw, we were usually one of just two or three people. There’s a pick-up in new listings coming to market – about 10 per cent above the five-year average in Sydney and nearly 9 per cent in Melbourne. Are vendors trying to sell to push past higher rates and people freaked out about the world?
Kristle Romero Cortés, co-director of ethical finance lab RISE and a UNSW academic, has spent years digging through Australian data on home sales (partly, she wanted to get the hang of the Australian market after moving here from the US midwest). Her big reveal? Sure, there’s a premium when you sell at auction. “But it’s a lot less than what you would expect.”
But Romero Cortés does say that having a real estate agent reduces what she calls friction, trying to breathe in the information, attempting to make sense of what’s happening in the local market. The real estate agent knows all that. And you can do that too if you visit every single open house before you sell. What was the guide? What did it eventually sell for? Does it have ludicrous PRICE WITHHELD on the sale results? Hang around long enough and a neighbour will eventually tell you.
In the meantime, you’ve spent an arm and a leg putting in phony atmospherics. Trying to keep the Lego under control. Dusting. Dusting. Dusting. Getting rid of your bedroom’s erotica because it might turn some people off. Not the point, people.
In a complete failure of the imagination, we are moving 300 metres away. Still, close enough to hear someone else’s grandkid calling out from the backyard dragon tree: “I can’t get down, Grandma.”
Jenna Price is a regular columnist.
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