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Many Australians have struggled to fathom why our prime minister would agree to be interviewed on a podcast called Bush Deep hosted by comedian Nikki Osborne, known as “Bushie” and described on her podcast page as “wildly inappropriate”. Who “asks the questions no one else would dare”. One of the questions Osborne asks her guests is who they would “marry, shag or date” out of three names. (She has previously interviewed radio host Wippa and an OnlyFans creator said to be “Australia’s most sexually active woman”, Annie Knight.)
It’s hard to think of a time when there have been more headlines containing the word “shag” linked to a politician. Because when asked the question – and given the option of Kylie Minogue, Nicole Kidman and Rhonda Burchmore, Albanese failed to shut it down, first demurring that he was only recently married. He started well! But when Osborne indelicately suggested his new union might go “tits-up”, which is a lovely suggestion for a newlywed whose previous marriage didn’t last, Albanese chose Kylie Minogue. “To marry, shag or date?” he was asked.
“All of the above”, the answer. Sigh.
Of course, we want to know our politicians are human, but we don’t need to be prompted to imagine them in their underpants. Weirdly, the PM also revealed footy is an aphrodisiac for him, especially when South Sydney wins. Why? A collective grimace may follow every Rabbitohs victory from now on.
Anyway, this “shag, marry, etc” game is not novel or shocking, it’s a cliche. It’s a decades-old trope, also called “f—, marry, kill”, “kiss, marry, kill”, or “bang, smash, dash”. It’s a drinking game from the 1990s, an icebreaker, a ruse for those stuck for conversation, an occasional feature of hen’s nights. In 2007, 30 Rock characters play “marry, boff, kill”. In 2009, Wonkette described it as “a popular children’s schoolyard game”. In 2010, The Independent ran a “snog, marry, avoid?” column relating to party leaders after a debate. In 2020, Slate staff debated the rules, in particular, whether you could have sex with the person you marry, or have sex more than once with your selected “shag”. A BBC Three reality TV series was called Snog Marry Avoid. The game features in Spiderman, Friends and Succession.
It’s a silly game, usually played in private with mates.
Earlier this year, two female Tasmanian Labor MPs and a federal minister apologised after they were reportedly overheard playing “shoot, shag or marry” at a public festival.
The first thing that struck me after watching the interview was how strange it was that Albanese was unable to simply bat it away: “I don’t see women like that, Nikki”. “I’m married and I’m not interested in other women.” “Come on Nikki, you know better than to ask me that”. “Nice try, but we’re not at Schoolies Week”.
The hard truth is, people’s sex lives are often the least interesting thing about them.
I’ll never forget 60 Minutes reporter Charles Wooley asking New Zealand PM Jacinda Ardern when she conceived her child.
Osborne isn’t the only podcast host who likes to throw this question at guests to be “cheeky”, although they often soften it to something like “date, marry, ghost” or “friend, date, block”.
The best-known example is probably Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, who asks celebrities who they’d “shag, marry, kill”. He likes to embarrass them by including exes and co-stars in the line-up. He asked Joe Jonas, for example, to choose between ex-girlfriends Demi Lovato, Gigi Hadid and Taylor Swift. When Cohen asked Seth Rogen, he gave him the options of James Franco, Jonah Hill and Zac Efron.
But it’s daft to ask a powerful man to objectify and frame real women as either desirable or marriageable (hello madonna/whore syndrome!). It coarsens discourse, cheapens desire, conjures sexism and elevates adolescent sex jokes to something deserving of national scrutiny, the attention of our most senior political leader.
But perhaps the greatest offence is how unoriginal it all is. I mean, he’s the prime minister! He’s met all manner of women! He made the gracious Sam Mostyn governor-general! He’s travelled across the seas! Endured countless events, dinners, carry-ons. Why not concoct a question that might provide a true insight?
Who, of all the women you have met, PM, would you most like to be stranded in the wilderness with, knowing she could build a lodging, fish, catch wildlife, and enable your survival? (Gina Chick [winner of Alone Australia] springs to mind). Would you rather go peering into rockpools in Maine at night with poet Mary Oliver or wander through ancient Gondwana rainforests with writer and activist Judith Wright? Tell us something that a woman once said to you that blew your mind. Which female do you most admire for her intellect?
Was Simone de Beauvoir right to say “One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman”? Does a woman need a man like a fish needs a bicycle?
In some parts of the Anglican church in Australia, women are not allowed to be priests, and are forbidden from preaching when there is a man above puberty present. This practice is derived from the doctrine of headship, based on Paul’s instructions in the Bible that a man is the head of woman: what do you make of this teaching? What about the lack of female priests in the Catholic Church?
If asked to have a cuppa with a female monarch in history, which one would you choose, and what would you ask her? If you could appoint any woman in history to your cabinet, who would you choose, and what would her portfolio be? What was the last book you read by a female author? Who would you most like to kick a footy around with: Tamika Upton, Sam Kerr or Grace Stewart? Which female comedian makes you laugh the hardest? Which female singer is most likely to get you off your chair and onto the dance floor?
Cliches may create controversy, but they’re also boring.
Julia Baird is a journalist, author and regular columnist.
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Julia Baird is a journalist, author and regular columnist. Her latest book is Bright Shining: how grace changes everything.Connect via X, Facebook or email.From our partners
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