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Gail Rudnick and Kim Murstein — the no-nonsense hosts of hit podcast series “Excuse My Grandma” — are The Post’s brand-new advice columnists.
From family feuds to friendship fallouts, money, marriage and sex, there’s no topic too taboo to tackle, and the native New Yorkers will hash out each issue from their differing perspectives to tell the tough-love truth — and you’ll thank them for it.
To get your questions answered, head to nypost.com/ema and drop them a note about what you need sorted.
Dear Excuse My Advice,
My husband and I have a strong relationship and a very active sex life. Recently we’ve started exploring bringing other people into the mix. Our interests don’t always align. He prefers adding another woman. While I’m more interested in scenarios with other men. I’m starting to worry it could affect our one on one sex life, or that he may enjoy being with two women more than just me. How do couples navigate this long term without creating imbalance or resentment?
Kim: We’re going to give Grandma a heart attack.
Grandma Gail: You’re asking a person who’s been married 62 years to the same man! If you’re bringing another man into the bed and another woman into the bed. Good luck to you. I mean, I don’t I don’t know if that’s really a marriage. That’s just having fun.
Kim: I think what marriage is now, obviously, is more open and expansive, and looks different for a lot of people than maybe the traditional 1950s.
Grandma Gail: I don’t agree with that. Marriage is marriage. It’s been going on for thousands of years. You’re supposed to be married to the same partner. If that is not your goal..
Kim: Well they are married.
Grandma Gail: Yses, but if they are looking to bring different people into the mix, then there’s something wrong with their marriage.
Kim: No. What if it’s just their sexual desire.
Grandma Gail: Oh watch a dirty movie!
Kim: So what you’re saying is, is that sometimes it’s easier to fantasize and talk about it than act on.
Grandma Gail: Exactly.
Kim: I don’t know. It’s a tough one because it requires so much communication of what you’re feeling, what your partner’s feeling. There’s third and fourth parties and it becomes ten times harder, probably. So navigating it long term without resentment, I don’t know if it’s possible.
Grandma Gail: Better have prenups. I don’t think they’re going to stay together. These people, if they’re getting all these different partners in, somebody is going to either go off with one of those extra people in the bed or the marriage will collapse.
There’s nobody today that has to get married. It’s not like the old taboos that, you know, after 20 something, you had to be married with a partner, neither a man or a woman. So if you really like multiple partners to have sex with, go have a good time.
Kim: But what if you want the emotional intimacy of marriage with one person and you want to explore?
Grandma Gail: I don’t think I have any advice for these people. I think they’re going to do it and they’re going to end up destroying the original relationship. But you know, you never know.
Dear Excuse My Advice,
My friendships have started to feel like monthly check ins instead of real connection. Is this just a normal part of adulthood when everyone is busy with work, family, and life?
Kim: This is such a good question. I feel this a lot because sometimes with friends you only have time to get together once a month, or even if it’s once every two weeks and so much has happened.
So you’re like, okay, catch me up and you’re talking and you want to hear everything going in their life, but you’re not really making new experiences together. You’re just updating each other on your lives over a meal. Do you think this is a normal part of being an adult?
Grandma Gail: I don’t think a friendship has to be a new experience. A friendship is actually relying on what you’ve gone through in your past and talking about situations that are happening in your life right now. And perhaps even planning your future.
A friendship that’s really a friendship is just talking to one another and exchanging life experiences that are happening to you. Not necessarily together.
It could be what’s happening with your with your boyfriend, with your husband, with your children and you just relating and then expecting to hear their feedback.
Kim: As long as the connection is evident in your conversation and you’re getting feedback and you’re laughing together, or you’re feeling like they get you on a deeper level…
But if it’s just checking in, like, as if you would with, I don’t know, Joe Schmo and you’re like, by the way, this is happening in my life. And then the other person is like, well, this is happening in my life, and you’re passing each other.
Grandma Gail: Well, that’s just a that’s a casual friendship.
Kim: Right. So I think as long as the check in feels genuine, that’s okay.
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