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This isn’t the first instance of a mother-to-be feeling violated by a random stranger on the street who feels entitled to throw out a comment simply because a pregnant belly is visible.
That is exactly what happened to Dr. Natalie Forsell.
It was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Channeling her rage into something good, the pelvic floor personal trainer took to social media to drop a new, much-needed definition for expectant mothers:
Pregnancy Harassment (noun):
- The unmitigated audacity of strangers, or relatives, to provide intentionally or unintentionally rude commentary on your midsection.
- The assumption that once a stomach reaches a certain diameter, it becomes public property for debate, speculation, and unsolicited “advice.”
“How could you possibly be so big?”
Forsell went on to share her recent encounter with a “Karen.”
“I was minding my own business until I was hit by Pregnancy Harassment,” she shared.
“Karen assumed I was carrying twins, asking, ‘How could you possibly be so big with three months of pregnancy left to go?’”
Forsell was completely fed up.
“I am already exhausted just navigating all the mental, physical, and emotional needs I’m carrying on a daily basis. The effort it takes to not snap at these idiots is outstanding,” she said. “I am currently on my fourth pregnancy, and let me tell you, I am OBSESSED with what this body can do.
“I’m growing a new human, and I’m still hitting the gym, deadlifting multiple times a week, and feeling stronger than ever. I’m incredibly grateful for this body.”
The unsolicited advice
Hard relate. As a fellow mother of four, this hits incredibly close to home. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been given unsolicited advice or comments. It feels like a drive-by shooting: it stings us deeply, but the other person just walks away completely unscathed.
Because I’m having four, there’s always the obvious implication from strangers that I’m some kind of freak who loves punishment. And yes, they might not be entirely wrong, but do I need to hear that from a random grocer or a stranger in the elevator? Absolutely not.
There is a very weird parasocial relationship that happens during pregnancy, where people feel they have an absolute right to comment, even if they haven’t experienced it themselves.
Side note to men: I am looking squarely at you. Do not “man-splain” pregnancy to me. I’ve been through it more times than you ever will!
Forsell rightly points out that this issue stretches far beyond the maternity ward.
“We need to talk about why people think a woman’s torso is a conversation starter,” she urges. “This isn’t just about being ‘expecting.’ I’ve worked with so many women dealing with PCOS, endometriosis, and fibroids who deal with this exact same Pregnancy Harassment”.
When you’re already fighting a battle with your hormones and potentially your fertility, the last thing you need is a stranger asking when you’re due. Out of spite, Forsell admits she has handled “well-wishers” with a taste of their own medicine.
“I have, on more than one occasion, looked a ‘well-wisher’ dead in the eye and told them: ‘I’m not pregnant, I actually just have a tumor. But thanks for noticing!’ with a deadpan face. The look of pure, unadulterated discomfort on their face? Priceless.”
She’s not wrong. When will we finally learn that it is never okay to assume someone is expecting based on how they look? It is not okay to ask someone if they are pregnant simply because they decline an alcoholic drink. And…It is not okay to pry into someone’s medical or personal life because they “aren’t feeling well” but look fine on the outside.
Other ‘pregnancy harassment’ victims weigh in
Followers were quick to flood Forsell’s video with their own horror stories, proving that no matter what size you are, you can’t win:
“Or the ‘are you SURE you’re pregnant? You’re not even showing that much for 20 weeks! We think it’s a fake pregnancy!’ Thanks, dawg. Took me two years to get here just to be told I’m faking it,” one wrote.
“Had a stranger notice I’m pregnant and tell me, ‘aww, you look soooo tired,’ the other day. I just stared at her in shock,” another wrote.
A twin mom shared, “Coming from someone who had twins for baby three and four, the comments get pretty wild! One lady said, ‘Wow, your stomach is so big!’ And I just said straight back, ‘Wow, so is yours.” She wasn’t pregnant, and I was so done with the unsolicited comments.”
“I couldn’t roll my eyes any harder at the audacity of strangers. My belly gets so large for each baby I’ve had, and every time it’s a twin comment, or I must be past due, or just a comment on my size. When has it ever been okay to talk to a woman about her size, let alone a pregnant woman?!” – Preach!
Another felt acosted for the opposite: “I had the opposite happen… and it didn’t feel great because my daughter was growth restricted, so I was a little worried about it. People would comment, ‘Oh, wow, you don’t even look pregnant! You’re so small!’ ‘There’s no way your X amount of weeks!’ And it did not feel good. Now I know the best thing to say to a pregnant woman is: ‘Wow, you look gorgeous!’ Or, you’re glowing!”
A sonographer, who has seen many bumps, weighed in, “I can say with 100 percent confidence that everyone carries soooo differently! You can never judge a baby by the size of the bump!”
The golden rule: don’t ask
Pregnancy is deeply private, even after it has been publicly announced. If you see a bump, don’t ask! Wait until the person brings it up in conversation themselves. Only then should you wish them well and keep on walking. If they want your advice, they will ask for it.
And if they don’t know you, the likelihood that they’ll ask you is minuscule.
To close with Forsell’s brilliant mic-drop moment:
“Listen: Whether it’s a baby, a medical condition, or just a really good burrito… Whether I’m ‘carrying small’ or ‘about to pop’… The shape and size of my stomach is the least interesting thing about me. Let’s go back to talking about literally anything else. Like how much I’m deadlifting.”
Read the full article here
