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Women suffer from facial prejudice; we get judged on our looks in a way that men don’t. What else can explain the furore that erupted when Rachel Ward – actor, director, matriarch, beef cattle farmer and co-founder of Farm Thru – dared to post a video to her Instagram grid not wearing any make-up?
The trolls went into a feeding frenzy. “I wish I never saw her like that!” exploded one Instagram follower. “OMG!! What the hell happened to her? Wow! She has aged really bad.” “She looks ravaged.” “How dare she let herself go!”
Sadly, trolls are no longer just fairytale creatures dwelling under a bridge. But Rachel, who is 68, refuses to be cowed. I met my friend for lunch to discuss the art of having a sensational second – or third – act.
Ageist sexism is sewn into our psyche, isn’t it? While a man our age is celebrated as a “silver fox”, we are denigrated as old hags and bags. I was so furious on your behalf. What did you make of the pile-on?
Well, the main pile-on was from supportive women saying “f— off” to the trolls. Clearly this was a conversation that women needed to have and I was just the catalyst. Women are saying, “Leave us alone to grow old without having to pretend that we’re fricking 40!”
But the misogyny was vicious. No wonder ageing to women is like kryptonite to Superman. How did you learn to not give a damn?
If you’ve built an identity on youth, beauty, wanting to be attractive – if you’ve given that priority and that goes – it’s frightening. But for the majority of people my age, the expectations of youth and beauty are gone. I don’t have to fulfil those expectations any more. And that, to me, is very liberating. Besides, I’m bored stiff going to the hairdresser. I haven’t opened a make-up bag in years. I have better things to do [laughs]. I just can’t be bothered.
Mind you, it helps to be stunningly beautiful to begin with. I could shave parmesan on those cheekbones of yours! But for we mere mortals? Hence, why I still wear make-up and dye my hair.
Hey, I don’t want to be made into a crusader for growing older naturally. I’m not making a judgment. People can do whatever they want.
I’m against cosmetic surgery, though. My mother told me never to pick my nose … especially from a catalogue! I did have a Botox jab in my forehead once but then thought, why can’t men just learn to read between our lines?
It’s so great to not weigh into that any more. Maybe if I was 40 I’d mind the comments, but now I’ve left any kind of attachment to youth and beauty behind, it’s not important.
And of course for men, it’s never been important. You never hear a bloke dismissed as “mutton dressed as ram”.
Just don’t listen to the trolls. That’s my advice. Humour helps. Sadly, social media is not very good at irony. When I introduce my posts with “Warning: sorry, I haven’t done my hair or my make-up”, of course it’s ironic.
Yes, there should be an ironic emoji. You are ironic and iconic so need your very own emoji … But to women who are cosmetically enhancing to attract a man, well, why would you want a man who only wants you because you’re silicone from tonsils to toenails?
Who are the men who respond to lips plumped and bums pumped? I’ve never met one. They must be the Andrew Tates of this world.
Ugh. And who wants one of those?! And there are only so many nips ‘n’ tucks cosmetic surgeons can do, so in the end the women all look the same. A case of “send in the clones”.
[Laughs] Which is why it’s so shocking to see someone on social media looking their age.
Yes, the trouble is we never see women who look like us. The clear majority of TV presenters over 50 are men, about 80 per cent, I believe. I know female TV presenters who have been told by their producers that they must get Botox to stay on air. Of course, the men don’t have to change.
Perhaps it’s only the media and entertainment industry. I look at Bryan [Brown, Ward’s thespian husband]. He has a career he established at 28 which, to his credit, he added producer and writer, but he’s never really had to change to earn a quid. Whereas I’ve had to change my career three times simply because of meeting female use-by dates. Even, surprisingly, as a director behind the scenes. As if what an older female has to say is culturally irrelevant. Finally, though, I’ve hit the sweet spot. None of my cows care that I’m older or female. In fact, they like it better. Perhaps I’m kinder and slower to catch them.
Which segues me nicely onto your second act – I do think that for women life is in two acts. The trick is surviving the interval, which is the menopause, when you sweat more than King Charles reading the Epstein files …
But I’d call it the third act. The first act is all youth and beauty and no responsibilities. And then you have the children, which is a big wake-up call about what life demands of you. In your second act, you have to get very resilient and robust. Then the third act, post-menopause, is …
The best time of a woman’s life! No period cramps, no pregnancy scares, plus you’ve got all that tampon money to spend … And time to reinvent yourself.
Well, my new career happened by accident. Because of the fires, because of COVID and because I had a grandchild. I basically felt that I had to take climate change more seriously. I had to stop just whinging about it and be the change I wanted to see. But I felt impotent. What could I do? Recycle a little bit. Avoid plastic straws … Not enough. Politicians talked about climate action but not much changed. So, I did something constructive. As you know, I now live on a beef cattle property in northern NSW. I manage the farm regeneratively to nurture the soil, encourage biodiversity and produce chemical-free food.
The only thing I sow are wild oats! But I love your passion. I also think women come into their true selves, post-menopause. A “feck it, I’m 50” gene kicks in where we suddenly no longer care what people think. We can put ourselves first for the first time. All my 60-year-old girlfriends are swinging off a chandelier with a cocktail between their teeth, because joy builds resistance.
I’m all for joy! I probably drink too much wine and I even have the odd cigarette, I’m not a paragon, but I don’t eat processed food. I grow meat that’s grass-fed, grass-finished on land with no chemicals. My daughter, Matilda, started The Good Farm Shop, which delivers sustainably grown produce to city folk in the form of delicious, lovingly prepared meals. All from paddock to plate; cutting out the middleman. I’ve just launched Farm Thru, a novel retail opportunity where city folk can buy direct from small family farms and eat by their environmental values. And for those that care about how animals we eat are raised, offering an alternative to industrially farmed animals. I’m more excited about that than anything I’ve ever been involved in. What about you?
Well, I want to give women food for thought and encourage them to go forth and be fabulous. I want to keep writing books like my latest, The Sisterhood Rules, celebrating women in their prime. Our huge hinterland is so fascinating! We’ve had the marriages, the divorces, the affairs, the babies, the betrayals, the promotions, the angst of raising kids and looking after aged parents. I kind of invented chick lit, mummy lit and nip lit, but women our age need a new genre. What about “I-don’t-give-a-shit lit!“?
There you go, the adventure of life continues for us lucky enough to still be in full health and mostly sound of mind. Speaking for myself, Kathy!
[laughing] Yes. Adventure Before Dementia! Not that I’m making light of that terrible disease, but you never know what’s around the corner. So let’s carpe diem like there’s no tomorrow.
Agreed! Keep exploring and making yourself heard. Grab life by the short and curlies. Don’t let the old-woman attitude in – don’t allow yourself to not be heard. Although in my house you have to shout very loud to get a word in edgeways! Refuse to become invisible. Like you, Ms Lette.
The British Secret Service has been urged by the government to recruit middle-aged women as spies because, as one MP explained to me, “Nobody sees you.” But if society is going to hand us the cloak of invisibility, shall we use it for good or for evil?
I’m thinking evil! Hey, if we’re invisible, a new career as drug mules could beckon, Kathy …
[Laughs] Cue irony emoji! And of course, the most important thing is to celebrate the sisterhood.
To the sisterhood! [We toast each other with our coffee cups. There’s a pause, then Rachel speaks.] Gosh, we’re a couple of salty old teabags, aren’t we? [And then we both cackle like kookaburras.]
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