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DEAR ABBY: After a tumultuous breakup, I reconnected with two men through friends. I’ve known and liked them both for years. One lives in Europe; the other lives here in New York. Both are wonderful, respectful and caring, and I feel beyond lucky. Both say they are in love with me and want to pursue a serious future. Call me crazy, but I love them both for different reasons. How do I possibly choose?
Do I choose the romantic European dreamer who makes me believe in magic but may eventually annoy me with his dreams and lack of action, plus the citizenship challenges? He’s fun, romantic, spontaneous and lets me embrace all of me. I feel so alive and loved, but I’m unsure if it would fade once kids and real life are in the picture.
Or do I build a safer future with the brilliant and calming stateside friend? He is deeply empathetic, hardworking, introverted and creative. I worry that we are only friends at our core and that I could grow bored or tired of his deep emotions. What is most important in a life partner? I’m terrified to choose the wrong one. I like who I am with for different reasons when I’m with each of them. — FACING A BIG DECISION
DEAR FACING: I’m trying to imagine being lucky enough to be in your position. How do I choose? Hmmmm. I can spend my life with a romantic European dreamer who doesn’t always follow through, knowing there may be citizenship challenges. What if I have kids with this adorable Peter Pan (with a sexy accent)? Whoa! The responsibility could be completely on my shoulders.
Or should I choose to spend my life with an empathetic, hardworking, creative man (who I assume DOES follow through)? Oh, what a hard choice to make. If you plan on having a family, one would hope you’d opt for the love and stability this one would provide.
Of course, how this plays out is up to you. I know whom I would choose, but perhaps my values are different. Continue seeing both of these suitors and let them know you are seeing them both. If you do, in time, your decision may come more easily.
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DEAR ABBY: I am a student in high school. If I study hard now for my future, will happiness be guaranteed in the future? Is it meaningful to study if you only get stressed in the present and when you grow up in the future? I’m not sure if studying will guarantee happiness when I grow up. If I keep studying like this, will I be really happy later on? — DEFINING HAPPINESS IN S. KOREA
DEAR DEFINING: Happiness means different things to different people. What is important to me and makes me happy may not do the same for you or anyone else. I know that students face a lot of pressure to succeed, but the end result is usually worth it. You will be better able to provide for yourself and your family, if you decide to have one. However, there are no guarantees.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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