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DEAR ABBY: I recently hosted a family gathering that included my adult cousin and his wife, who live locally, and my son, daughter-in-law, and their son, who traveled from Georgia to Pennsylvania to visit.
Since my son and family rarely see relatives, I thought it would be great to get everyone together. At the gathering, my son barely acknowledged our cousins. He and his wife didn’t participate in the conversation — instead, they pulled out their phones and generally looked bored and anxious for the company to leave.
My son is a neurosurgeon. His wife is a nurse practitioner. They are in their early 40s. I was so embarrassed.
The next day, I sent a message to them, telling them how upset I was. My message was ignored. I followed up with another message, asking if they received the previous communication. Again, no response.
I’m embarrassed for my cousins and disappointed in my son and daughter-in-law. I have no outlet for these emotions because they will not respond to me. I am physically sick over the situation since I have no way to resolve it. Help! — BEST OF INTENTIONS
DEAR BEST: How socially aware are your son and daughter-in-law? Were they on their phones because of some medical problem that sprang up in their absence? Could they have been uncomfortable because you foisted these relatives on them with no warning?
I keep looking for excuses that might explain their rudeness to the relatives. But I can find none for their ignoring your messages other than that they simply do not care. You should be furious. But please, don’t turn it inward, because THAT is what is making you ill.
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DEAR ABBY: I am a mature female who hasn’t been in any kind of relationship for 25 years. When I realized I needed and wanted a relationship with someone compatible, I went on a dating site and found someone. But I messed up because I was insecure.
I wanted more communication, and he is involved in many activities, which I understood. I tried to call him twice, but he didn’t pick up. I thought he was still communicating with other women on the dating site. I went to his house and told him I had moved on because I hadn’t heard from him, and he didn’t answer my calls. He said he broke his phone and was dealing with a son in jail and a sick mother.
I don’t know if he was telling the truth or not, but if it’s true, that’s a lot of things to deal with. I felt awful and knew I had ruined things because of my impatience. I texted him, and I’m waiting to hear back. I really like him. We had been intimate, but I’m afraid I’ve lost him. What do I do? — ANXIOUS IN INDIANA
DEAR ANXIOUS: Sometimes, mature people can react immaturely. Once your insecurities took over, you came on a little too strong. Apologize for it and tell him that you have not “moved on.” But realize that the ball will be in his court, and if you don’t hear from him in a reasonable amount of time, you will have to look elsewhere for companionship.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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