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DEAR ABBY: At 82, my father continues to live alone and unassisted. He’s generally in good healt, but is starting to recognize that he won’t be forever. One thing he really wants to do while he still can (or thinks he can) is take a road trip — by himself — to visit his sister on the other side of the country.
He regularly does shorter drives (two to three hours) and figures if he takes his time, he can make the 2,000-mile journey by doing many short stretches over a few days. I think it is a colossally bad idea. He is underestimating the fatigue he’s going to experience after a long day of driving and is forgetting how much extra energy it takes to navigate in an unfamiliar place. I’m worried he’s going to get in an accident or get lost.
After telling him all that, and that he’s got better options, I offered to pay for a plane ticket. But he doesn’t like the idea of trying to navigate an airport (which makes no sense to me compared to driving), or trying to drive an unfamiliar rental car when he arrives. I’ve suggested going with him, but he wants to stay for a long visit, and there isn’t room for me at my aunt’s.
Dad has got his mind set on this trip, and I’m worried he’s going to leave without telling anyone he’s going. If I can’t reason with him, what can I do? We don’t live close to each other, and I don’t have any right to take his keys, but this is nuts, right? — A DISASTER IN OHIO
DEAR SEES: Whether you or I think your father’s plan is nuts is beside the point. He is going to make the trip. However, this does not mean you cannot have some input and assurances.
Help your father plan and map out his trip. Note what hotels or motels there are along the way and help him make reservations. Then get his promise to call you every evening when he checks in so you can know he is all right. It may take some work on your part, but the reassurance of being able to track his progress would be priceless.
DEAR ABBY: My youngest child (early teens) has a hard time making and keeping friends, but he made a new friend three weeks ago. I have met the mom once, briefly, and mostly texted to discuss timing for plans with my kid and hers.
The mom keeps asking me for money. Our stories are similar, and I’ve filled her in — divorced, single mom, no contact with ex, no support. Most recently, she texted me asking for gas money and additional money to help fund a trip out of state for a funeral. I may live in a nice house, but I have no help in paying for it plus all the other life expenses. I’ve told her as much, but I still get these requests.
I don’t want to be rude to her, but I feel like my next step is to be blunt. However, I don’t want to risk hurting the friendship between the kids. How do I make it clear without doing damage? — DOLLARS AND SENSE
DEAR D & S: Resist the urge to be blunt. Simply tell the woman nicely that you don’t have funds to give her at this time. When she asks again, repeat as necessary.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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