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I would just like to put this out there: the hill I died on was a pretty one. As verdant, lush and otherwise as the promotional pictures suggested. But take it from someone who’s been there, schlepping four small kids, who for the purposes of this discussion we’ll call Hungry, Bored, Tired and Cranky, onto North Queensland’s Kuranda Scenic Railway and then expecting them to enjoy looking at glorious vegetation for hours, was not the five-star experience the Google reviews promised. (In hindsight, trusting the word of – among others – “Beryl”, “Ethel” and someone posting online as “Frantastic” might’ve been a mistake for a pair of parental P-platers travelling with the under-12 set.)
Anyway, the hill. We were on a steam train somewhere between Freshwater and Cairns when the carriage lurched to an unscheduled halt, right around the time the four-year-old ran out of patience. He’d played any number of spirited games of Spot the Rainbow Lorikeet and indulged us while we marvelled at ancient tropical surrounds, but, as he informed the entire carriage and presumably most of Kuranda, we were stuck in the wilderness, going nowhere fast, and therefore it was now time for screeeeeeeens. Unfortunately, though, we were only packing two screeeeeeeens that day, and neither had any Wi-Fi connection. Not to worry. His favourite video, featuring himself, aged three, reciting his preschool’s version of the Indigenous Acknowledgment of Country, required no such internet connection. Fifteen minutes and 10,000 recitations of “good morning to the sun/good morning to the sky/good morning to the birds as they fly on by” later, I was about to die of sadness and/or there was likely to be another murder on the Orient Express’ Queensland-dwelling counterpart.
All of which brings us (naturally) to “Binge Finland”, a piece of marketing flim-flammery that has nothing to do with preschoolers, but everything to do with trains and travellers and naturally, the ubiquitous problem of how tourism operators (especially those whose rail networks are in tip-top shape and not experiencing any weird hill-based delays) are able to counter the ever-present issue of divorcing would-be customers from their screeeeeeeens long enough to get on board.
The Binge Finland campaign, by Finnish national railway operator VR-Group, has apparently been designed to encourage people to “replace streaming marathons with real-world experiences”. Now, since screen addicts – or, as VR-Group would have it, “true binge-watchers” – are probably halfway through an important episode of Worst Ex Ever and cannot be disturbed, here’s the download on it.
Participants need to log onto VR-Group’s website this Friday and answer a survey on their bingeing habits. The “winners” – those who complete the questions fastest – will be given an opportunity to purchase a 30-day rail holiday ticket (which normally retails at €369) for the price of a monthly streaming service subscription, €9.90. So far, so straightforward, no? Drop that passport, Mike Teevee. There are so many disproportionately large buts attached that, you’d think the Kardashians were filming in Lapland.
In the interests of sparing everyone trial by small print, let’s leave Binge Finland momentarily and focus instead on the question of why overseas operators are even resorting to a hard sell on train travel. Possibly it speaks to a growing need for tourism authorities everywhere to use whatever it takes – flattery, bribery, a crowbar and a blowtorch – to get people off their devices and in the market for real-world experiences. Figures cited as part of Binge Finland suggest that globally, internet users spend an average of six hours and 40 minutes glued to their screens each day. That’s a lot of time on the all-stations to Hollywood, while the train to Helsinki goes empty.
As such VR-Group “wanted to frame travel as something as accessible and habitual as streaming,” according to spokesman Marika Schugk, who should possibly consider finessing her talking points. In a competition between streaming back episodes of The West Wing or wrestling an ornery suitcase into an overhead locker whilst simultaneously trying to contain a fleeing toddler, the TV wins every time.
All of which brings us to the question of who, other than someone who is planning train travel around Finland anyway, would even bother entering the competition. A true screen addict, even one who has found the pause button long enough to be seduced by the possibility of a detox and lodge a successful entry, will just move his or her base of operations to the train. Lake? Good. Fjord? Nice! Glacier – hang on, there’s a Law & Order: SVU marathon starting. Oh, this train is experiencing technical difficulties? I didn’t notice. My four-year-old is reciting the Acknowledgment of Country again. And this time, he’s doing it in song.
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