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Few among us are immune to the sweaty palms, outfit angst, and the bittersweet mix of excitement and dread that accompanies a first date.
If the thought of meeting a potential suitor for the first time makes your stomach do cartwheels, you’re not alone. A recent poll found that 89 percent of would-be lovers battle nerves before a first date.
While 39 percent routinely turn to alcohol to ease their anxiety, experts say masturbation, yes, you read that correctly, is a far more effective strategy.
“Think of the orgasm as an ‘upper’ and alcohol as a ‘downer’,” Dr. Mindy DeSeta, PhD, certified sexologist and sexuality educator at Hily Dating App, told The Post.
The expert revealed that the hormones released through orgasm promote mental clarity and a pervasive feeling of calm.
“It’s a low-pressure, low-cost way of regulating your nervous system and helps chronic overthinkers process information more accurately,” she added.
Masturbate to regulate, if you will.
Alcohol, meanwhile, depresses the central nervous system and eases anxiety at the cost of diminishing judgment.
“It calms the nerves but slows down your thought processes. On a first date, you want to be on your mental game,” said DeSeta.
Indeed, a 2022 trends survey by the dating app Bumble in the UK found that 62 percent of people thought they’d “form a more genuine connection” during an alcohol-free date.
In addition to clouding the connection, imbibing can, over time, lead to the development of numerous health complications, such as high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, liver disease, and cognitive decline.
Just as the downsides of going bottoms up are well established, the benefits of pre-gaming a first date with solo-play are backed by science.
“As you become aroused, the brain releases dopamine and endorphins, which give you the ‘I’ve got this’ motivation and confident energy,” said DeSeta.
“After orgasm, oxytocin increases, promoting a sense of relaxation and emotional safety, and prolactin rises, which signals sexual satisfaction, leaving you feeling settled rather than restless.”
The cumulative effects of climaxing support showing up for a first date, cool, calm, sated, and ready to assess romantic potential and the viability of a new connection.
In terms of how a date ends, or finishes, studies show that drinking alcohol lowers inhibition, making some people more receptive to sexual activity, increasing the likelihood of hooking up on a first date.
Masturbating has the inverse effect.
“If you have already taken care of yourself, it decreases the likelihood of a hookup,” said DeSata, who notes that sex on the first date is not necessarily a negative but can distort our concept of compatibility.
“Sex releases oxytocin, a bonding hormone, which can increase that sense of closeness and chemistry, sometimes enough that it gets harder to clearly see whether this person is actually a good match.”
According to DeSata, women and men tend to masturbate before a first date for different reasons, both physiological and psychological.
“Many men have expressed that this pre-date ritual has kept their nerves at bay, left them feeling more confident, and if they got lucky, reported lasting longer in bed than they normally would have,” she said.
Conversely, women often masturbate before a date to embrace their sexuality and ground themselves in their feminine energy, and DeSata says those effects can be felt for hours.
“If they begin the getting-ready process two or three hours earlier, they will still feel that female empowerment and the mental clarity when they meet their date.”
DeSata notes that while any measure of solo-play is good for would-be daters, an orgasm is key to maximizing the chemical benefits.
“Pre-dating without the orgasm will still give you some of the stress-relieving benefits, but the orgasm is what really delivers the full rush of happy hormones,” she explained.
Whether to avoid physical pain or quell anxiety, she strongly recommends everyone get their rocks off before a date begins.
“Don’t start a first date from a place of sexual frustration. I recommend to all my clients that once you start self-pleasure, allow yourself to finish.”
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